I'm busy, trying to do less

My self-worth and I have a slightly toxic, love/hate relationship. We go through phases and stages. There are still seasons where my self worth is directly correlated to my value, which is derived from my ability to contribute. This means that I struggle to feel worthy unless I'm 'doing'.

If you're reading this, I'll go right ahead and welcome you to the club! The password is ‘exhausted’, with a capital ‘E’. It's not our fault though. Society tells us that good things will happen if we work hard, add value to our communities, and impact those around us (and don’t forget to scream it because if you’re the quietest in the room, nobody will hear you). We were taught this when we were trading roll-ups, before playing a game of four-square. It's embedded in our conditioning as human beings. The problem is, we actually need money to put food on the table, fuel in the car, and a roof over our head. Somewhere along the line the water grew muddy and our means for survival became directly linked to our ability to contribute. Money, however, isn't the antagonist here. 

When I get all Type-A, high-functioning anxiety on my ass, I take a breath. Today, I sat down after a mild panic attack and wrote down how I need to feel in order to contribute from a place of feeling grounded, intentional, and easeful. When I get too 'busy' in my mind, it doesn't matter what I invest my time in because everything feels hard. In this mindset, I'm almost always coming from a place of scarcity and fear. I then overcommit because I want to be able to give back in ‘bigger’ ways. When this happens, the intention can be lost in a haze of chaos. 

The greatest realisation is that I actually add more value to those around me when I do LESS. I crave introspection, observation, and spaciousness. I need time to integrate and let it land, so it’s not just knowledge but an undeniable embodiment. If we're splitting our time between too many things, we're unable to give any one thing the attention, time and love required for it to become impactful. This mindset also flirts its way into using our 'purpose' as a means of healing ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s important to bring our awareness to whether we’re speaking from a wound or a scar. There’s a big difference in the delivery, and the way it’s received - not to mention the expectations associated.  

When I have too much on my plate, I choke. I feel like a mediocre Wife, Mother, Friend. I struggle to do my job. I lack creativity. I don't have time for housekeeping. My brain feels crowded, and I feel so off purpose that I convince myself I lack value. And so, the cycle of overcommitting and pushing myself to burnout continues. 

So, I invite you to write down how you want to feel in order to add value. Then in one column, write down the things that matter most, and in the other? The things you need to move away from. You don't have to say goodbye forever, but maybe park some projects for another time when you have the capacity to give it the energy it needs. 

It must be said that this doesn't mean your worth drops off (because the literature tells us we're worthy, even when we're resting), it just means we're able to streamline our focus. 

Welcome to this online room, where there are zero expectations, doing less is celebrated, and the people around you are proud of you for setting boundaries to alleviate the heavy load. Let’s not rejoice in the chaos and enable the struggles of the people we love. Let’s invite softer landings for special hearts to give back in ways that make them feel radiant and energised.